Days like these.

In my experience, it is an unfortunate truth of solo travel that, no matter how wonderful the place you are in, it is possible (or perhaps even guarenteed) that at some point the weight of the other will overwhelm you.
An expression of chaos theory at work?  The result of unfortunate coincidence? Its not uncommon to go from a moment of dizzying euphoria, hope and contentment, straight into a trough of the exact opposite.
I mention this, not because it is something new and unfamiliar, but because after a cumulative 2+ years of travel, I am struck by just how common this occurance is... and how the knowing of its nature has absolutely no mitigating effect on the smothering dark of the moments when they hit.
Yesterday could have had little else added to it. So perfect the weather. A ride through golden-tinged green coastal countryside, in fresh air and sunshine. Whispering wheatfields, beautiful sights. Home to apero in the garden, lunch with wine and coffee and an afternoon spent chatting and playing in the garden. Plenty of opportunity to take stock, and realise just how lovely a moment I am inhabiting, and how fortunate I am to do so.
A sunshine day.
A white day.
A day in the plus column.

... a day in the starkest contrast to what follows. Perhaps I could blame it on 3 sleepless nights. Or on the unremembered (but no less potently disquieting) nightmares that were a feature of last nights restlessness. I suppose I could also blame it on a high tide moment of loneliness (yes, I do think the tides are a good metaphor, because like the tides loneliness is ever present for the solo traveller, but its effect rise and fall with their own rythym).
No doubt it didnt help that the day was a grey and chilly sunday.
And likewise it was probably not helpfull that today required me to think about how to handle the annoying logistics of remaining in Europe beyond my visa.
Perhaps it was all of these things. And perhaps it was none of them. All of them, in one form or another have been permanent fixtures in the last 2-3 months. Quite why today everything felt as though it is a weight to great to bare, why it felt as though every problem was insurmountable, every feeling too strong to endure, I dont know.
It just did.  All that remains is to hold your breath and hope the tide goes out by tomorrow.
There are just days like these.